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Friday, May 3, 2013

Hitting Rock Bottom

There isn't much else to say when you can find the most perfect quotes that hit the tenderest, most sensitive areas of your heart, that clearly define what you've gone through in your life in the last few months. It's actually been more than a few months really... honestly it's been a steady progression over the years, and I finally hit that "rock bottom" place in my life.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I almost quit painting furniture permanently. In fact, I did quit. I threw my hands up at my life and quit everything. Everything. My finances took a turn for the worst, my relationship with my children and my father was faltering, my marriage was in shambles and I was just done. Before, I could handle a struggle or two in my life, but life had become so unstable... filled with so much heartbreak and uncertainty that I just couldn't deal with anything anymore. My genuine unbroken spirit had broken and was hiding in a fetal position under my blanket for the majority of my days. I came out to eat, go to the bathroom, cook dinner, do motherly duties and go back to bed. The slightest thought of responsibility past the unconditional care of my children would put me into an anxious state. Just looking at pieces of furniture in my basement staring at me waiting for paint would make me cower upstairs and hide.

It took a couple dear close friends of mine to tell me to never quit painting furniture.... that I was too talented, too inspiring to walk away from something I loved and was good at. Those friends helped me take those steps back to the person I use to be than the one I had become.

It took some time afterwards to begin to be brave enough to face all my fears and worries and anxieties and "decide that I want this life, more than I fear it."

This is why I haven't kept up with my blog or Facebook page, touched a paint brush, detail sanded an edge of a chair or even walked into my studio for more than a minute. My apologies for being completely vacant but I learned that if I didn't take one problem or step at a time I couldn't handle it all at once.

But I'm still here... even though I am at the end of my rope, I have tied a knot so I can still hold on.


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