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Friday, May 3, 2013

Hitting Rock Bottom

There isn't much else to say when you can find the most perfect quotes that hit the tenderest, most sensitive areas of your heart, that clearly define what you've gone through in your life in the last few months. It's actually been more than a few months really... honestly it's been a steady progression over the years, and I finally hit that "rock bottom" place in my life.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I almost quit painting furniture permanently. In fact, I did quit. I threw my hands up at my life and quit everything. Everything. My finances took a turn for the worst, my relationship with my children and my father was faltering, my marriage was in shambles and I was just done. Before, I could handle a struggle or two in my life, but life had become so unstable... filled with so much heartbreak and uncertainty that I just couldn't deal with anything anymore. My genuine unbroken spirit had broken and was hiding in a fetal position under my blanket for the majority of my days. I came out to eat, go to the bathroom, cook dinner, do motherly duties and go back to bed. The slightest thought of responsibility past the unconditional care of my children would put me into an anxious state. Just looking at pieces of furniture in my basement staring at me waiting for paint would make me cower upstairs and hide.

It took a couple dear close friends of mine to tell me to never quit painting furniture.... that I was too talented, too inspiring to walk away from something I loved and was good at. Those friends helped me take those steps back to the person I use to be than the one I had become.

It took some time afterwards to begin to be brave enough to face all my fears and worries and anxieties and "decide that I want this life, more than I fear it."

This is why I haven't kept up with my blog or Facebook page, touched a paint brush, detail sanded an edge of a chair or even walked into my studio for more than a minute. My apologies for being completely vacant but I learned that if I didn't take one problem or step at a time I couldn't handle it all at once.

But I'm still here... even though I am at the end of my rope, I have tied a knot so I can still hold on.



  1. I imagine it took a lot to say those words out loud but thank you for saying them. You will get better, this will get better, and life will get better. Baby steps. Thanks for sharing!

    1. Thank you dear. Sometimes saying those types of feelings out loud can be therapeutic. It's like facing reality instead of hiding from it. I appreciate your support and friendship!!

    2. Dear Heart, You are so brave! I have always wished that I could take all "that stuff" away from you but it just doesn't work that way. The way it works is what you are doing, one problem at a time and one day at a time. It is slow but you will get there. You have so much love in that blessed heart of yours so take care of it. Keep painting because you love it, care for your boys because you love them but most of all, love yourself because you deserve it. Love you Susan and my door has always been open to you. Carolyn

    3. Thank you for all the years you've loved me and thank you so much for commenting, I love you too Carolyn!!

  2. You ARE amazingly talented, and I hope that one day soon you will feel like using that talent again. Look after yourself, it will come in time.

  3. Thank you Catherine, this week I will finally be starting my new job and be working on furniture. I have learned that getting back on a routine with positive things helps move away from negative habits and tendencies. I really miss painting furniture so I'm eager to get moving this week. :)


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